Pausing For Grief
As each face joins a tiny zoom square on the screen, I see candles lit and faces glowing. I see a little bit of uncertainty as each woman tries to wrap their head around to what this is all about. One by one they begin to share their words of support slowly and deliberately, briefly sharing pains and sorrows from their own past and their present lives. I feel the love and heartache as each woman tells pieces of their story. As they share, they sprinkle pinches of salt into bowls of water expressing that we are all in this together. It is because of our previous pains, that we can TRULY be here for each other. Each knowing that one day it will be our turn to lean on someone else for support.
Why are these women here on this zoom with bowls of water and salt? They are here for a dear friend, a member of their pack, whose marriage has ended. Though they have been supportive through this crossing with tearful hugs and check-in phone calls, attending a private grief ritual offered each of them a meaningful pause to bear witness to her journey of grief.
Every day, we show up with the sorrows of our past and present. With this ritual, we showed up ready to bear witness for their dear friend. One of the main takeaways from this beautiful group of women was the power of the pause. We all felt the intensity of emotion, the deep well of sadness for each and every one of us, and the huge exhale as we closed our time together. One participant expressed those exact words, “I am SO glad we paused from our busy days for this.”
Our current culture doesn’t support slowing down. We often have shame about rest, we have guilt about taking care of ourselves, we apologize for tears, or we hide that we need help only to suffer alone. My thoughts still go in these directions, and I have been exploring this work for almost 20 years!
What if we rejected that way of thinking? An act of resistance! It is actually the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, your family, and your community. When we make space to truly FEEL what is in our hearts, we learn that we are stronger than we ever realized. When we lean into each other for support, we strengthen connections and communities. We remember that each of us is worthy of our sorrows, and no one should be alone in honoring it. All it takes is the willingness to pause.
However, we are busy creatures (as we are meant to be!) It helps to set time aside, to allow others to hold space for us, so we can peek into the corners of our emotions and make space for what arises. We can't fully let go unless the container is set for us. We don’t have full permission to let the walls come down. We don’t feel the safety that is needed to carefully and healthfully put our pieces back together. This is where the grief tending comes in.
In a Community Grief Tending Ritual, we feel the safety of the container, we hear that we are not alone in our sorrows, we learn that no grief is too big or too small to honor, and we learn that slowing down for our grief can be one of the greatest gifts to our soul. Schedule the pause. Allow yourself that moment to honor the experiences you’ve had.
Join us, via zoom, for our Community Grief Tending Ritual on Sunday, November 7th from 4-6PM PST.
Click here to register!